Yeh..

In any 2 sided deal, both overdoing and under doing are hazardous. And, by chance, if both happens simultaneously, it is entirely fatal, courtesy irritation and pain.

Bleh! Life goes on. Move on buddy.

Duh...

Substitution seems so easy for few people. But often the substituted do not have the stabilizing polar protic solvents. Maybe it was a state of coexistence throughout. But in this mental world of me first and then everything else, unlike the much simpler ionic world, coexistence is way too unacceptable - a complete no-no.

Disappointment maybe inadvertent but is the inevitable consequence. Expressionless internal cribbing and crying makes you bit more dead day by day. The blank expression or even the usual smile are the usual refuges from persistent public interview and perpetual murder. An usual death the teenager dies nearly everyday.

Bleh! Move on buddy...

Waiting for infinite?

His heart was beating - beats everyday, nothing new; but today it felt different. It was jumping, and quivering, at a rather fast pace. He could nearly visualise his heart dancing like he did when he was happy, excited and wanted to celebrate - yes this music of the heart just matched with the music-less jump-filled kiddish dance of his. He loved to call it a dance just so that he could boast that he has danced with happiness on numerous occasions.

He grinned. The grin had nothing to do with the heart beats, not directly at least. He had lot more important things to think about right now. Yes, “important” things.

He rolled on his 5’x6’ hostel room bed to face the ceiling. The ceiling fan was rotating but he did not feel the breezy gusts - he just grinned. The sunlight was on his face but he did not blink; he could not concentrate, could not think - he just kept looking at the fan without feeling anything.

She was looking infinitely beautiful today, inexplicably beautiful. She looked so beautiful that he, addicted to her beauty as he was, could not concentrate on even a single concept of transformers discussed in the class, nor the story written by some arbitrary writer that the English professor tried to explain, not the projector, the peers to his left or the peers to his right. Suddenly she had become the only interesting someone in the entire lecture gallery, and the entire probably 2200 acres' campus. He wanted to talk to her after the day’s classes got over but even before he could realise, she had disappeared somewhere in the dispersing crowd - he could just catch a glimpse of her long black hair speeding on a cycle out of the complex.

He saw something in the fan that instigated him to slip out his cell phone from his right pocket and dial 900*******, one of the only 5 numbers he remembered… the other four being his own, his brother’s and parents’. He did not know what he would talk about… could not explain why he wanted to talk but just wanted to talk…

DAMN… he could not hear the ring… his spare cell’s audio system had not been giving too much friendly behaviour since past few days… Felt like throwing the cell out of the window of this third floor room… but he didn’t…Instead he texted………

“There?”

reply: “Yeah…”

“My phone’s speakers are not working… wait…”

reply: “I’ll ttyl… I am going to ccd…”

“I am sleeping… I am sick,” he lied.

He rolled over to face the window… something in his stomach felt uneasy… something he 

didn’t like… so he turned again…

“Kitne jaa rhe ho?”

And he waited, expecting no reply to this sms… but the reply came…

reply: “Me Vineet and Naveen”

Even this position also started giving some problems… he returned to again facing the  ceiling… but even that was uncomfortable… So he sat up…

“Ok.. cool”

After a few seconds he felt like typing in.. “Can I come join too?” but then decided otherwise…

He again lied down… changed sides too frequently for few seconds and

“When are your classes ending today?”

And he left his cell in his room and went outside.. he came back to see:

“5:30”

“She will call me after 5:30 today,” he thought.

He lied down again… looking at the ceiling fan blankly…

He did not feel like going to the classes. He called up one of his friends… the damned speaker worked this time and “Abey, aaj proxy laga dena.” “Sala TU class miss karega?” “Tabiyat kharab h” “Okay”.

 His thoughts dwindled and swirled back to his classroom... There she was farthest end in her row .. here he was in the farthest side in his row... such a huge gap between them two... so many students in between... He liked looking at her... The hopeless students, her friends, his friends often tucked in their heads in his line of view... Those were currently the most intriguing momments of his life... He often prayed for some invisible ink to paint those poky noses invisible :/

Also often he tried to negotiate with God to get the class disappear for at least 5 minutes... What would he not give just to be with her and look at her for indefinite span of time... to talk to her with no "ttyl"s, "incoming-another-call" beeps or waiting for the "reply-that-never-comes"...

Before his thoughts could get any more dangerous he had fallen fast asleep...
           ********        ********        ********        ********        ********       
When he woke up he was soo disappointed.. "It was just a dream??"

Whatever, he looked at the table-clock and his heart started racing 5:25 pm....
What happens next can be predicted by anyone exposed to bolly films.. no one calls and he spends next 80 mins glancing at the clock and the cell about 120 times each...Each time he would get even more disappointed that there was no missed call or text...

He texted at around 6:50 "Free huwi?"
Waited for 30 seconds for a reply, felt impatient, and called..

"Trringg... Trringg... Trrinng... The subscriber you are trying to call is busy. Please try again later."
She must be busy.... She'll call back!

And the call never came...

The evening was full of activities but was boring... He had started feeling FB is boring.. reason: She doesnt come online... He texted a lot of times, for none of which was there a reply. He had skipped lunch.. he skipped dinner.. he slept early that day around 12.. before he felt asleep an inexplicable tear erupted from the corner of his eye. The room was dark... the weather was still and he slid is cell phone on and typed in the last sms for the day... "You know what? Never in my life had I wanted to talk to someone like I wanted to talk to you today.. Talk about what I really don't know.. I don't know why I wanted to talk.. But what I know is I wanted to talk.. Turns out "Mother Nature" was against me.. :'( :(
Good night..
Bye............."

He kept the cellphone away.. wriggled on the bed to get comfortable and breathed out, "The reply will never come..."
__________________________________________________________________
This was an excerpt from something which I consider as one of my worst attempts to imagine something...The best part of the story is the main characters are not names but pronouns!!! (I just realised that)
Whatever, the thing I want to get cleared is: This is just a figment of my imagination and has nothing to do with me or someone else. (This was especially for Nishant Bhaiya if he happens to read this :P) 
I have been told I am pathetic at imagining love stories, thus I want comments on this...
P.S.: I know there are grammatical mistakes and I know where they are... don't point them out (hehe)

Man is for mankind...

It was raining hard now. The raindrops felt like sharp needles arrowing into his teenage skin. Still he ran - ran hard indeed. Yet, it was not a voluntary action. Some mysterious internal/external force was making him run.. He had to save the child sitting on the highway from the brutal hands of the approaching demon lorry. Suddenly all his aim of life was to save the little soul - it seemed everything to him right now.. Yes.. He reached the kid before it was too late and ducked him away from the devil's track but was himself tossed high into the air by the angry demon and thrown like a cur to the pavement...
Then everything went dark..
____________________________________________________
Sonu and his mom, Gayatri devi, were returning from Rakesh's house. Sonu's dad was a rail-master and unfortunately had left Gayatri devi and Sonu in this world to the land-of-no-return as early as when Sonu was three. Their family of two were supported by the trifle money that Gayatri devi earned from her school teaching and tuitions. Sonu was a big man now (or so he thought).. He had recently passed his class 10 boards and come out with flying colours...with a horribly awesome 94%.. Rakesh was Sonu's batchmate and Gayatri devi's student. According to Sonu, he had got a mere 92%, way too less than him, but his over-caring mother had forced him to go with her to congratulate the boy. Sonu did not like him.

"I want a rolex watch like Rakesh, mom.", Sonu demanded on their way back home. It was night 10 'o clock. They had had their dinner at Rakesh's place and were walking back home. The night smelt fresh after a two day long heavenly shower. The sky was partially clear and the moon peeped onto the two creatured from behind the clouds, it's favourite hiding place. The street dogs were their sole companion now on street..
"I want a rolex watch, mom", Sonu repeated. Gayatri devi's silence was not too satiating.
He looked at his mom, who seemed to be lost appreciating the road ahead, ignoring his demands..
She was listening, Sonu convinced himself.
He said, "You know mom, his father has bought him the watch..he has got that computer from his brother".. after a pause he added, "Its so great to be rich mom."

They reached home. The creak of their almost-breaking-open door reminded him of their poverty, the dilapidated house amidst the old railway station was suffocating.. But he wasn't caring- his centre world now seemed to be the non-existent Rolex watch.. How could his mom just ignore his demands?

He was desperate now.. He said, "Come on mom, you cannot ignore me like this..I WANT A ROLEX WATCH."
His mom looked at him for the first time in the last ten minutes now- a strange expression in her eyes - an expression unfathomable to Sonu.
He pestered,"Mom please.."

Mom's eyes glistened.. She pursed her lips and said, with the usual calm in her voice, "I don't have money Sonu..I am not rich!" - She looked at his eyes...
He was desperate... The divorce was so intent, that he had "broke-up" with REASON.. Nothing but the lust for the watch seemed important..
"Mom, please.. I want the watch badly.. please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Ohh m'boy.. come on sit here", makes him sit sit the impatient Sonu beside her and says, "See, you know I just teach in a small school and those watches are so costly, I will surely get you a watch, but not rolex.. I dont have the means to get it for you, son."

Sonu was irritated now. He was angry. His eyes lit up with fury.. He wasn't even trying to control his wrath.
He shouted, "Of course you have the means.. Where from the Beta Parker for your 'favourite student' Rakesh come from? Fell from the sky??"
Gayatri devi was bewildered.. wide-eyed..
Sonu went on.. "When it comes to me, you are pennyless. For everyone else you are the fairy Godmother.. Free tuitions.. huh.. as if they would ever even remember your help when they grow up.. as if they would ever be grateful!"
Gayatri devi managed to croak, "I do not do it for their gratitude.."
"What else? Okay! What about you getting Srikanth Da a computer 2 years ago? He is more dear to you right? You lied 'no means' when I asked you for it once- I could have done a lot better in my boards with that.. But no who am I to you?"
Gayatri devi said nothing.. Only a drop of tear rolled down her cheek painfully- wounds hurt less..

Sonu was not stopping..
"I am tired of this partiality mom, just tired of this! I am tired of you! I am going away now.."
Saying this he ran out of home, a train was just leaving the station - he boarded it and started crying!
Life has been so hard for him - how much life had wronged him!
____________________________________________________
He woke up next morning in a small village railway station. Last night, he had  got down from the train in one of it's stoppages. He was sleepy and had slept at the bench in the railway station itself.
Sleep had healed his wounded heart and he felt nice. His eyes felt heavy- he had cried too much last night.
He walked out of the station. He found himself standing in front of a beautiful mustard field. The yellow beauty glowed with the Sun enhancing it's shine. An occassional bird chirp would be heard.. the station clock's monotonic tick, the dripping tap's sound and the snore of a sleeping man was all that broke the silence. Everything was serene and calm.

He moved forward to the farm- now enjoying the smell of creativity of God, this felt heaven...
He moved farther forward. A farmer was walking towards the field. Probably he was responsible for ths yellow masterpiece. Mentally Sonu appreciated his hardwork. It started raining again. He moved forward, appreciating the clouded blueness of the sky, amazed at the picture-quality of this true world; the abandoned birds' nest gave artistic beauty to the un-leaved tree that stood against the highway..
The HIGHWAY!!!! A dangerous sight caught Sonu's sight..
A child was sitting exactly in the middle of the highway, near him was accelerating a loaded truck- evidently the driver was not yet aware of the child in black dress! Few people were running from the otherside towards the highway, probably to save the boy.. but they were too far to save it..
Instinctively he started running...
It was raining hard now. The raindrop felt like sharp needles arrowing into his teenage skin. Still he ran - ran hard indeed. Yet it was not a voluntary action. Some mysterious internal/external force was making him run.. He had to save the child sitting on the highway from the brutal hands of the approaching demon lorry. Suddenly all his aim of life was to save the little soul - it seemed everything to him right now.. Yes.. He reached the kid before it was too late and ducked him away from the devil's track but was himself tossed high into the air by the angry demon and thrown like a cur to the pavement...
Then everything went dark..
____________________________________________________
When he woke up, the atmosphere smelt dettol, the bed he felt hard- his head hurt.. When he wanted to lift his hand, but he felt it was tied to something... He opened his eyes..
What he saw was his anxious mother looking at him - he could notice the change of feelings inside his mom, from the depressed crying self to a more calm controlled old lady - ..
Sonu remembered everything- whatever had happened...
He spoke to ask a question...
Whatever he said was, "How is the child now???"

Just another day..

It has been more than a month since I returned from Edudigm, Kolkata, promising I would return within seven days. Come on.. I worship Einstein, so is time dialation not expected from me???

I hate this trait of "bhaat" in me.. Topic-less blabbering... Once it starts, it never ends.. And I was just about to begin it again, here.. Thank God I realized it as soon as it started! :P

It was just day before yesterday.. Boredom had already drowned me neck-height.. A few more inches and I would be "no more".. Robbed of any other option, I chose to walk out of the house that had then imprisoned me for over a week.. The greed-invoking, majestic ground that tickles my desires to play, attracts me towards it from my window, has laid vacant, human-less for nearly a fortnight now... All friends have gone away to some imagination-provoking places I have never visited, either to celebrate their victory or to forget their loss.. I sat at home, alone, bored! FB, Targetiit, gmail, C, Mechanics, story-books, reading blogs, nothing felt worthwhile..sheer boring.. I chose to walk out.. and "cuddled" with the lush greenery outdoors for a change..

Soon, my eyes had quenched it's thirst of green, nose had satiated it's thirst of fresh smell and I was dying to talk to someone! Just then two men, roughly about my height, came and sat at the corner of the field remotest from where I was standing then... Felt like a dream come true.. an opportunity for Subho to bak..

I lazily walked to that spot of field that suddenly started seeming so endearing, so lovely.. We started chatting.. how the conversation started is immaterial but continued for two hours.. Only remorse I had after coming back home was: "Shit! I forgot to ask their name.." One is in college for two years now. The other has failed to get any and is re-polishing his armour, sharpening his sword and possibly recruiting new weapons for the year to follow..


The discussion was so wide spectrumed.. From how lonely the field was nowadays to Roger Federer..
I should mention here I know no head or tail of Tennis. I'm am not even sure if Federer is spelt as I have done it and I'm too lazy to google now! But as if that mattered... Those 2 hours I was just bak-bak-bak... and jokes all over.. Had a nice time!

I don't remember exactly, what I had in my mind when I started writing this piece.. But have already lost track of it by miles...

Lets draw a line here.. I will try and post something later today again.. This post has dis-satisfied me hugely! I will get back soon!

Aspirations, Perspiration, Excitement and ultimately...

Whatever it was, now, is really a "was"..
I don't quite agree, but others call it a success. As of me, I know it could have been  LOT better. But whatever, I'm happy that it is gives me second and last chance to fire, and this time even a backfire won't hurt much, at least not me!

Yes, I am talking of IITJEE.. Got a rank of 3126 in it. I am right now headed towards IIT Kgp, metallurgical and materials science, dual degree! I feel I deserved a better rank, but that feels immaterial now - at least my dream is half-achieved...

It all started 5 years back.. class 8.. Nah, not the preparations, but the aspirations. It started with my father telling me "stories" of his college-life, and first time ever I came across this word "IIT"...he did not make into IIT and wanted me to be one of the IITians ( he is alumni of REC Durgapur, now NIT Durgapur)... And this Intensely Idiotic Term seemed to create an aura of uncanny feeling (heavenly, to be exact), on slightest mention.. The "unachievable".. The "most difficult" (uff.. what not superstitions were chiselled into my small mind!!)

I treated these "stories" as fairy tales, only difference with the normal ones was that 'This could be turned into reality'.
It was this "could" that made the difference. When I was in 11, these aspirations had already turned into dreams.. dreams to perspire for.. it was like "get her, or my life's finished" (all bullshit) :P

Bhaats apart!

Classes 11 and 12, these were the years, superstitions changed, self-belief increased exponentially and suddenly it seemed, I have started spelling "life" as P.C.M. (no wonder I got 71 in English in boards.. yes there is a pun intended :P)..
Edudigm - It was that, which made all the difference - gave me "knowledge" to cherish, "reason" to work, "confidence" to win it and yes, "ideals" to look up to (feel jealous of them at first and then working to become like them... Edudigm made it all challenging, all fun)... What they did was Innovate, Inspire and Transform..
I will write about Edudigm sometime later..

Yes, that dream was worth working for.. even hundred times the work would be worth it.. after all it was IIT, and it is always a treat to be distinguished, to be an IITian...

Long journey ahead.. Higher aspirations.. I got to be among top 10% students in my branch (dont know how difficult that would be) to get the branch of my choice after a year.. not that I dont like what I got presently, but you know, all rats want the biggest cheese without thinking of the aftermath and I am one of them! :D

Am I not going too long already? Yes, at least I feel so!
So, whatever be the circumstances, I hope to write frequently and hope more to get criticisms and feedbacks on my writing (I seriously feel I need that, after an aweful board marks)..

Ohh!! Oops..! Yeah! I forgot one thing! :(
Anyway, although it is many lines late now, still... just as a formality...
WELCOME TO MY BLOG! :D